Musical chairs

Sometimes I feel like I'm playing musical chairs with my life. I made a comment to a friend the other day that my life is just one continuous stream of side notes. There's a continuous trek toward a somewhere and a something, but the vast majority of my experiences thus far have been detours, and part of me wonders when and if I'll be on a clear path anytime soon.

I mean, I'm fine either way if I will or if I won't, but some days I just wish I knew. Because it would be a lot more convenient that way.

I say musical chairs because at present, I'm balancing a few things simultaneously, and my efforts and attention seem to move pretty consistently through each project, though they can never cover all bases simultaneously. I'm still working at People (thank goodness), but am job-hunting and freelancing on the side, as well as editing for an online publication and studying for the GRE. I'm working on starting a magazine (which is a stop-and-go process), and trying to compile all my clips into a comprehensive personal site and business card.

Needless to say, days are long but weeks are fast.

It's like this immense, weighty guessing game. Round and round and round I go, where I'll stop, nobody knows. I'm trying to prepare for every possible situation at once and have a foot semi-firmly planted in different options should the opportunities arise, but it's pretty dang tiring.

Graduate school? I'd love to get a masters in education somewhere down the line, but don't know that I'm in the right mindset for that just now. The GRE is a preparation for it, though.

Working at People? It would be SUCH a fantastic opportunity, and I love working there so much, but I know that the way the economy and the industry is, I can't put all my eggs in one basket.

Freelancing? It's a tough lifestyle, and something I always saw as more of a supplement than a full-time investment. I've got ideas, but it's a hard sell getting publications to want and need them at just the right time.

Applying to other publications? Honing my skills at my present job means I focus all my attention on that, and am usually too tired to think about applications or interviews otherwise. It's a necessary thing, though, and so I'm working on it.

Creating a magazine? This is the ultimate dream, but because there aren't instant results, it's obviously slower to take flight. When there are so many other things that seem to take precedence over this "personal project," it's easy to lose site of the ultimate goal, which would be really creating something with all my heart.

There are so many paths to take, so many chairs to edge around. Because when the music stops, I want to be sure to get a seat - which one is irrelevant.

This might sound strange, but in this case, I just don't want to be left the last one standing.