Walk the line

Exploring the city with mother in company is at once exhausting and reassuring. It's been a long few days, both physically and mentally. The thing is, on any other trip, with just the two of us traveling, I imagine that we would be at each others' throats by now - but this trip is different. Chalk it up to maturity, to circumstances, to knowing that this is the last trip of its kind for a while. Who knows?

For whatever reason, I can't help just appreciating my mom's company this time around. We've seen a Broadway musical (Billy Elliot), strolled through Central Park, taken a day at the Met, chowed down at Serendipity and Otto and even learned to swing dance. Really, a big part of exploring New York City for this week is just spending time with her. I'm realizing what a big deal this transition is for her as well, letting me come out all the way to the East Coast to do what I love, love what I do.

It's a big gamble, to be sure. Whereas I'm concerned about the job hunt and establishing a solid life here on another coast, she's worried after my safety, my sanity, my ability to work in an upward surge against the NYC population and downturned economy and stay healthy while I'm at it. I can only begin to imagine how difficult it must be to raise a child to a certain point and then just have blind faith in your own parenting skills. Trust that you've done well and instilled a strong sense of morality and social grace within him or her. Trust that he or she will know right from wrong. All the great make-or-break stuff of which parenting is made.

Seeing this move through the eyes of my mom helps me put things into perspective. It's a renewed vigor to succeed - not just to try, but to get somewhere - because this experience really isn't all about me, it's about all my family and friends and support back home. About what it means to have a purpose bigger than yourself and a legitimate reason not to cave in when times get tough.

Mom found out that one of her close college friends is dying today. She's in a coma after three bouts (that's 16 years) with cancer after a butchered surgery. She's a fighter, but still, the news was devastating - and how do you go about comforting a woman who you've always turned to for support? The only thing I can think to do is just listen. Sometimes that's all a person needs.

The news has jolted us both.

Do what you love, love what you do.

When it comes to quality of life, my mom and I have always had different opinions. I love risks, because I know that, after having to go under the knife back in freshman year, nothing is certain. The one thing I'd always depended on - health - became so fragile, and having it put in jeopardy under any circumstance really put everything into perspective. Or more accurately, it minimized the purported "importance" of everything else. Mom has always defined quality of life as being cautious, preparing ahead and thinking for the future. You never know what tomorrow will bring, she's always said.

At least on that point, we agree. Her answer to this uncertainty has been, always, to prepare for the worst and live a safe, by-the-books existence. And there's nothing wrong with this mentality if that's the conclusion that she's come to at this point in her life. But for me, I've always reasoned that this uncertainty means that you have to take chances - find what makes you come alive, and pursue that. Life is short, unexpected twists make it shorter, and there's no way to live a truly satisfying life without acknowledging this.

Having my mom here with me in NYC makes me feel like I've aged a few years. The tables have turned and all of a sudden, I find myself sharing my philosophies with the woman who has always given me such sage advice. And when she tells me stories of her past, of how she's come to this point in her life and her own realizations, I listen.

I think we're understanding each other a lot better now, knowing that the permanence of what we're sharing if fleeting. This transition is trying for us both as we're trying to hold onto the past and grasp the future simultaneously.

So what do you do?

Enjoy it.